Good relationship - Tips

Create time to spend together
Spending "quality time" is important to keep a relationship healthy.

Take care that there is regularly time and space to be together, do something nice, something that makes you both happy.

Give each other space - keep your own life as well
When you are in a relationship, this doesn't mean that you have to spend all your free time together. Don't become dependent on each other.

Keep your own life too. Keep your hobbies. Go out with friends (without your partner). This can even give an extra positive impulse to your relationship.

And so it's also good when your partner does the same, keeps his/ her hobbies and meets friends without you.

Like this, your autonomy can remain and you both bring new energy in your relationship.

At least once every ten days, go and do fun stuff together. For example go out to a fancy restaurant, to the casino, have a drink somewhere etc. This will increase the connection and the attraction!

To create a great relationship we need to enter it with a fresh clear perspective, and we do this by identifying and clearing any old beliefs and expectations we have about them. If we carry unexamined beliefs into our relationships we end up imposing "shoulds" onto it and on to the other person.

For example, he should be like this, or she should be doing that, or the relationship should be like.....

So when the reality does not meet our expectations we start to force it - in other words we try and impose our should on to our partner.

This is the cause of almost all conflict in relationships.

Try this:

1. Make a list of all the "shoulds" you hold against your partner, such as how they should communicate, what they should be doing (or not doing), how they should be, and so on.

2. Ask yourself what it would be like if you could drop some of these shoulds.

3. Be aware of the objections that arise, such as "I would never get my needs met." or "I'd become a doormat," or "It would be unbearable."

4. Recognise that these objections are driven by fear, and in fact the opposite will start to happen because you will change the energy you are projecting into the relationship.

5. Choose one of those shoulds, recognise all the ways you project it, and then decide to let go of it.

6. Commit to this for a week and observe what happens. You may be surprised.

This is a challenging exercise because we believe our shoulds are what will make us happy. In actual fact they do the opposite because each person has their shoulds and are busy trying to impose them on the other, and this causes the conflict and tension.

The more you are trying to make them be as they "should" be, the less are you present and truly engaged with them in this moment.

Time to try something different

Enjoy, and blessings

When you would like to experience less tension and more relaxation, it is important to express what is inside of you to the people close to you (loved ones, friends).

When you don't speak your truth, go out of contact, you lose the connection. You put on a mask.

That doesn't mean that you have to express every feeling immediately. You can take your time to feel it through and see what happens. But when you notice that a certain feeling or blocking the connection between you and the other, it can be a big relief to express this.

Besides, you make another one small by denying him the truth. There is a reasonable chance that he/she can deal with it. And if he doesn't know how to deal with it, this is also good to know!

You are who you are, and if somebody things that's not good enough, it's good to know that, rather sooner than later.

Realize that your partner is not your rival but your ally. In other words, focus on how you can have as good a time as possible together!

Recipe for light and air

Are you looking for a means to bring light and air into your relating? From now on, check every day if there is something about your partner that you like. Can also be something small.

But make sure you say something about it. This might not always be easy in the beginning. Still do it, every day again, and you will be surprised by the effect.

The purpose of relationships is not to create obligations, but to create opportunities for growth, to be able to fully give expression to who I am.

The keystone of relationships has nothing to do with others meeting my expectations and me, in my opinion, meeting their expectations. The keystone is how well I meet my own ideas.

The beautiful thing about a relationship is that I can share the completeness (and the incompleteness that is also complete) of who I really am with the other.

Learn to be happy in being alone.
Love can manifest in a relation, but starts in deep isolation.

When you are happy in being alone, when you do not need the other at all, if the other is not a necessity, then you are able to love.

As long as the other is a necessity, you can exploit, manipulate, dominate, but you cannot love.

The psychologist Erik Erikson said that you need 10 years or 10.000 hours to be able to develop or become very good at something.

This might also be true for a good, safe, close relationship?

10.000 hours of pure interest to get to know the other. How many hours do you put in your relation? Really?

Without using your telephone, really listen and hear what the other is saying etc etc. In short: Develop your relationship!

Plan a ritual that you can do daily with which you show your partner how important he/she is to you. Share this with your partner.

People that are often occupied with their smartphone, often have a less satisfying relationship then people who don't.

Recent research has shown that the feeling of a good connection immediately disappears when the person you talk to is continuously looking at his phone.

To avoid this, you can for example make phone free hours. For example during dinner or after 10 o'clock in the evening. If you do that, really put it out of sight!

The power of appreciation

There turns out to be a connection between the satisfaction about your relation and the level of appreciation the partners have towards each other. To start, you can track all the nice sides of your partner for one week.

What would you miss about him/ her when you would have to go on without the other. And what did you like in the past so much about him/ her? And then share that with your partner!

Send out positive vibrations to your partner instead of waiting for him/ her to do that towards you.

A nice or good relationship does not necessarily mean that there is also a satisfying sexual relation. Because for a sexual relation there are other ingredients needed than for a safe relationship.

Be ready to make the first step to not let a discussion escalate. Often you will be aware of the point where you think "oh here we go again...". Try to become aware of that faster.

Express that moment and look at it as a time-out. Take literally some distance so that the tension can calm down . Agree to come back to it later and keep that promise.

Laugh with each other
"My lover and I decided to end our serious relation. Now we can finally laugh together again."

Gary Chapman's book "The 5 love languages" is written especially for men. It is about what the woman want to most: speak the language of love.

Are you happy? Only when your woman is! That's what is says on the backside! But..... she will also learn your love language! Recommended for both!

Don't use your phone as an alarm clock, but put it in another room, that is better for your sleep, but also for your sexlife.