Break up - Tips

Be honest and direct. Express that you would like to end the relationship. Explain your reasons. Don't yell or start blaming and stay calm.

Give your partner the space to ask questions. Stay with the point of your story and you can repeat your reasons.

Actually this is a tip for before you want to break up.

Open and honest communication is very important in a relationship.

So don't pile up your feelings and frustrations until you cannot take it anymore.
At that point there's often no other option then to break up.

When you start to communicate open and honest already in an earlier stage about your thoughts and feelings, and your partner too, then it might not be needed to break up. If that is difficult for you, you can get the support of a relationship therapist.

Of course it can also be that you don't fit so well (anymore) together. When you communicate openly, then you will have discussed the problems already in an earlier stage and the break up doesn't come so much as a surprise.

At a certain point (for example after a few days or weeks) your ex-partner has had the time to ask questions and you have said everything you wanted to say.

Then you can take some distance. Distance is needed to really let go of each other. For your ex-partner it will become clear that it is really over. And also for you it might be important to really let go of your ex.

After a while, when you have let go of each other, a new connection in the form of friendship could become possible if you both want that.

When you have kids, naturally you both wish that the kids do not suffer from the divorce.

This makes it extra important to separate in a 'good way'. When this is hard for you because there are many feelings and emotions, find a relationship therapist to support you.

When you live together, create an alternative sleeping place to stay for the coming nights.

It can become quite intense. In that case it can be nice to have the possibility to sleep somewhere else.

Your ex-partner can response in different ways to your wish to break-up:

-Understanding (he/she felt it coming)
-Angry and suspicious (might think there is somebody else)
-Denying (doesn't show emotions, but gives a sad impression)
-Sad (crying)
-Surprised (didn't see it coming and cannot believe it)
-Desperate (begs you to stay, give it another chance)
-Silent (unable to talk about it)

This is all his or her own process. You are not responsible for this. What you can do is take the feelings of your ex-partner into account to the extend that you feel good with it. Because it might be that it is hard to take. But it is important that you don't create hope and that you stay with what you want.

Are your suffering from a break up? Could you use some support?

A relationship counsellor can help you.

Conflicts during a break up can often be prevented by understanding why the relationship is over.

"Meaning makes a great many things endurable-perhaps everything." Carl Jung.

This will make it easier to let go and to be bold enough to fall in love again. And it makes it easier to forgive. Forgiving is not only pleasant for the other. Forgiving somebody is mainly a present to yourself.